Author Archives: Luke Lowry

About Luke Lowry

You know me, You love me, You listen to my open's and think, "That's a damn fine open."

The Beards Beat the Brains

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Joe Maddon is off to the Galapagos Islands to swim with the penguins and harvest inchworms. David Pryce will probably be a Yankee, and subsequently, his Twitter account will be immediately shut down. The stingray that was struck by the Jose Lobaton walkoff home run in game 3 was turned into sushi. The Red Sox ride on.

Calling upon the spirit of the drunken, bearded idiots of 2004, the Red Sox turned heartbreak into hangovers Tuesday night by finishing off the Rays in game 4 of their 5 game divisional playoff series and celebrated by shotgunning Budweiser’s. Koji Uehara appeared stoic on the mound while coming into the game in the bottom of the 8th to record a 4 out save, a night after blowing his first save since early August. While at the time this blown save set off a raucous celebration in Tampa and  a wave of panic in Boston, Koji bounced back and exercised the ghost of Byung Hyun Kim. The 38 year old Japanese reliever has written a new chapter in his long career, and has become a fan favorite in Boston with his emphatic post game high fives, gregarious nature, huge smile and domination of 9th inning opposition.

The Sox also saw middle reliever Craig Breslow come in and aggressively go after the tired, but dangerous Rays lineup. The Sox are looking to go all the way this year, and right now, they appear to be the team to beat. An explosive offense and clutch pitching (reminiscent of 04, and 07) has bode well for them so far, but this was only a third of the trip. The road ahead promises to be bumpy. But Boston is strong, BOSTON STRONG… “THIS IS OUR F*CKING CITY”

by Steve Lewis (Resident outsider.I.E Red Sox fan)

The Column To Start All Columns

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They say write what you know, so my first column is gonna be Tailgating 101.

Do you like the Mets but find simply going to the game not fun enough?. Well, the answer my friends is simple. Tailgate. I know what you’re thinking, tailgating? That’s just for football. Well let me be the first to tell you, you’re so stupid.

Tailgating is perfect for any occasion. Movies? Tailgate. Any sporting event, professional or amateur, archery to zebra racing. Tailgate. Funeral? Honestly, if the deceased was a fan of outdoor drinking and grilled meats, I couldn’t think of a more fitting tribute. Tailgate. So I’m sure your next question is “But Luke, I’m half-a-mongoloid, I don’t know how to tailgate?” Well don’t you fret my mentally underdeveloped friend, just follow Unky Luke’s Quick & Easy Tips to an Outstanding Tailgate.

First off, beverages. I like to go for beer over liquor here so you can drink for longer without blacking out. Remember, a good Tailgate should last at least two hours. Next, you’ll need cups. I recommend the red solo cups. Cops like giving public drinking tickets, so unless you’re at a football game, don’t forget the non see thru cups. If you do forget cups, put a skirt on your beer. A brown paper bag for the uninitiated amongst us.

Then, I like to get a cooler and bag of ice. Not only does the ice keep your beer cold, it’s great for washing your hands after the meal and putting out the fire.

Now its food time. for my money the most simple and delicious way to go is Kebobs.The best part is, you don’t need tongs, spatula, or any utensils, just leave the tip of the wooden skewer off the fire and you can turn them with your bare hands. To make the Kebobs into a sandwich, simply bring pita bread and tsaziki sauce and you’re good to go.

Lastly, a game of some sorts. I usually go with just a football or a cornhole board. Now I’m not talking gay sex cornhole-ing but rather that game where you try to toss a bean bag into a hole on a board. Add all those ingredients together and you’re well on your way to improving whatever function you’re at, Ten-Fold.

Alright, that about wraps up my first column here, hope it helped. So just remember these simple steps and even the worst Met game becomes a classic night to forget, cause you didn’t listen to me and went for the hard liquor.