Do you like the Mets but find simply going to the game not fun enough?. Well, the answer my friends is simple. Tailgate. I know what you’re thinking, tailgating? That’s just for football. Well let me be the first to tell you, you’re so stupid.

Tailgating is perfect for any occasion. Movies? Tailgate. Any sporting event, professional or amateur, archery to zebra racing. Tailgate. Funeral? Honestly, if the deceased was a fan of outdoor drinking and grilled meats, I couldn’t think of a more fitting tribute. Tailgate. So I’m sure your next question is “But Luke, I’m half-a-mongoloid, I don’t know how to tailgate?” Well don’t you fret my mentally underdeveloped friend, just follow Unky Luke’s Quick & Easy Tips to an Outstanding Tailgate.

First off, beverages. I like to go for beer over liquor here so you can drink for longer without blacking out. Remember, a good Tailgate should last at least two hours. Next, you’ll need cups. I recommend the red solo cups. Cops like giving public drinking tickets, so unless you’re at a football game, don’t forget the non see thru cups. If you do forget cups, put a skirt on your beer. A brown paper bag for the uninitiated amongst us.

Then, I like to get a cooler and bag of ice. Not only does the ice keep your beer cold, it’s great for washing your hands after the meal and putting out the fire.

Now its food time. for my money the most simple and delicious way to go is Kebobs.The best part is, you don’t need tongs, spatula, or any utensils, just leave the tip of the wooden skewer off the fire and you can turn them with your bare hands. To make the Kebobs into a sandwich, simply bring pita bread and tsaziki sauce and you’re good to go.

Lastly, a game of some sorts. I usually go with just a football or a cornhole board. Now I’m not talking gay sex cornhole-ing but rather that game where you try to toss a bean bag into a hole on a board. Add all those ingredients together and you’re well on your way to improving whatever function you’re at, Ten-Fold.

Alright, that about wraps up my first column here, hope it helped. So just remember these simple steps and even the worst Met game becomes a classic night to forget, cause you didn’t listen to me and went for the hard liquor.